Monologues

by Marriott Edgar, Stanley Holloway and others

Marriott Edgar wrote comical poems for the pleasure of all generations, particularly in the North of England.

List by title (Also known as)	Author	List by 1st line
1066 (The Battle of Hastings)	ME	I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
Albert and His Savings	ME	One day, little Albert Ramsbottom
Albert and the 'Eadsman	ME	On young Albert Ramsbottom's birthday
Albert and the Lion (The Lion and Albert)	ME	There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
Albert Comes Back (The Return of Albert)	ME	You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert Down Under	ME	Albert were what you'd call 'thwarted'
Albert Evacuated	SH	Have you heard how young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert's Return (The Return of Albert)	ME	You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Albert's Reunion	SH	You've heard of Albert Ramsbottom
Alt! Who Goes There?	SH	Old Sam first came to London
An Elephant Never Forgets (Little Aggie)	ME	When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
Asparagus	ME	Mr Ramsbottom went to the races
Balbus (The Great Wall of China)	ME	I'll tell you the story of Balbus
Barber, Sweeney Todd	RW&BL	In Fleet Street that's in London Town
Battle of Hastings (1066)	ME	I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings
Beat the Retreat On Thy Drum (Sam, Sam, Beat the Retreat)	SH	I'm hundred and two today' bagoom!

Beefeater	RW&BL	Oh dear, starting another day I suppose
Brahn Boots	RW&BL	Our Aunt Hannah's passed away
Burghers of Calais	ME	It were after the Battle of Crecy
Canute the Great	ME	I'll tell of Canute, King of England
Channel Swimmer	ME	Would you hear a wild tale of adventure
Elephant Never Forgets (Little Aggie)	ME	When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
Excelsior (Up'ards)	ME	Twere getting dusk
Fair Rosamond (The Fair Rosamund)	ME	I'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
George and the Dragon	ME	I'll tell you the tale of an old country pub
Goalkeeper Joe	ME	Joe Dunn were a bobby for football
Great Wall of China (Balbus)	ME	I'll tell you the story of Balbus
Gunner Joe	ME	I'll tell you a seafaring story
Henry the Seventh	ME	Henry the Seventh of England
Joe Ramsbottom	ME	Joe Ramsbottom rented a bit of a farm
Jonah and the Grampus (Jonah and the Whale)	ME	I'll tell you the story of Jonah
Jonah and the Whale (Jonah and the Grampus)	ME	I'll tell you the story of Jonah

Jubilee Sov'rin	ME	On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
Lancashire version of Longfellow's "Excelsior" (Up'ards)	ME	Twere getting dusk
Lion and Albert (Albert and the Lion)	ME	There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
Little Aggie (An Elephant Never Forgets)	ME	When Joe Dove took his elephants out on the road
Magna Charter	ME	I'll tell of the Magna Charter
Many Happy Returns	AdB	Down at the school house at Runcorn
Marksman Sam	ME	When Sam Small joined the regiment
Matilda	ME	Henry the first, surnamed 'Beauclare'
Noah	ME	One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
Old Sam (Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket)	SH	It occurred on the evening before Waterloo
Old Sam's Christmas Pudding (Sam's Christmas Pudding)	ME	It was Christmas Day in the trenches
Old Sam's Party	MC	Sam Small, though approaching his eightieth year
'Ole in the Ark	ME	One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
One Each Apiece All Round	SH	No. 2468
Parson of Puddle	GN	In the clean little, green little
Pick Oop Tha' Musket (Old Sam)	SH	It occurred on the evening before Waterloo

Queen Matilda	ME	Henry the first, surnamed 'Beauclare'
Recumbent Posture	ME	The day after Christmas, Young Albert
Return of Albert (Albert Comes Back / Albert's Return)	ME	You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
Richard Coeur-de-Lion	ME	Richard the fiirst, Coeur-de-Lion
Rosamond (The Fair Rosamund)	ME	I'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
Runcorn Ferry (Tuppence Per Person Per Trip)	ME	On the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Sam Drummed Out	RW&BL	When a lad's been drummed out or the Army
Sam Goes To It	ME	Sam Small had retired from the Army
Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket (Old Sam)	SH	It occurred on the evening before Waterloo
Sam, Sam, Beat the Retreat (Beat the Retreat On Thy Drum)	SH	I'm hundred and two today' bagoom!
Sam's Christmas Pudding (Old Sam's Christmas Pudding)	ME	It was Christmas Day in the trenches
Sam's medal	MC&MH	You've 'eard of Samuel Small, per'aps
Sam's Party	MC	Sam Small, though approaching his eightieth year
Sam's Racehorse	ME	When Sam Small retired from the Army
Sam's Sturgeon	AS	Sam Small were fishing in canal
St. George and the Dragon	RW&BL	Some folks'll boast about their family trees
Sweeney Todd, the Barber	RW&BL	In Fleet Street that's in London Town
The Barber, Sweeney Todd	RW&BL	In Fleet Street that's in London Town
The Battle of Hastings (1066)	ME	I'll tell of the Battle of Hastings

The Beefeater	RW&BL	Oh dear, starting another day I suppose
The Burghers of Calais	ME	It were after the Battle of Crecy
The Channel Swimmer	ME	Would you hear a wild tale of adventure
The Fair Rosamond (The Fair Rosamund)	ME	I'll tell of King 'Enry the Second
The Great Wall of China (Balbus)	ME	I'll tell you the story of Balbus
The Jubilee Sov'rin	ME	On Jubilee Day the Ramsbottoms
The Lion and Albert (Albert and the Lion)	ME	There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool
The Magna Charter	ME	I'll tell of the Magna Charter
The 'Ole in the Ark	ME	One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark
The Parson of Puddle	GN	In the clean little, green little
The Recumbent Posture	ME	The day after Christmas, Young Albert
The Return of Albert (Albert Comes Back / Albert's Return)	ME	You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
The Runcorn Ferry (Tuppence per person per trip)	ME	On the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Three Ha'pence a Foot	ME	I'll tell you an old-fashioned story
Tuppence Per Person Per Trip (Runcorn Ferry)	ME	On the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Up'ards (Lancashire version of Longfellow's "Excelsior")	ME	Twere getting dusk
William Rufus	ME	The reign of King William the Second
With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm	RW&BL	In the Tower of London, large as life
Yorkshire Pudden	RW&BL	Hi waitress, excuse me a minute, now listen

Authors
AdB	Archie de Bear
AS	Ashley Sterne
GN	Greatrex Newman
MC	Mabel Constanduros
MC&MH	Mabel Constanduros and Michael Hogan
ME	Marriot Edgar
RW&BL	R P Weston and Bert Lee
SH	Stanley Holloway

Dedicated to my father, who died a few months after these pages were added to this website. I will treasure the fond memories of him reciting the poems after tea on Sunday afternoons.

Thanks Dad.