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by Marriott Edgar
Illustrations by John Hassall
Joe had a terrific right foot. Sadly, it was on his left leg.
So he was put in charge of the goal, where his best friends were the posts and the crossbar.
He said "I wondered why the football kept getting bigger. Then it hit me."
'Joe' appears in several of Edgar's monologues: as Joe Ramsbottom, Old Joe in George and the Dragon, Joe Moggeridge in Gunner Joe, Joe Dove in Little Aggie, Joe Lee in The Channel Swimmer and Joe Dunn in this monologue.
It is unknown why Edgar chose these surnames in preference to the more common English names of Smith, Jones and Brown. Did the characters remind him of earlier school chums?
Joe Dunn were a bobby for football He'd been member of club for three seasons He felt as his talents were wasted So next time selection committee | |
Committee they coaxed and cudgelled him This match were the plum of the season The day of the match dawned in splendour The Whippets made Joe their goalkeeper Joe stood by the goal posts and shivered |
Selection committee calls on Joe |
He dreamt he were playing at Wembley He found 'twere the ball that had struck him 'Twere the first ball he'd punted in anger |
Then after the ball like a rabbit 'Alf way down he bumped into his captain On he went 'til the goal lay before him |
The first time he'd punted the ball |
T'was his own goal he'd put the ball through |
The fog seemed to lift at that moment 'Twere his own goal as he'd kicked the ball through Joe was transferred from the West Wigan Whippets |