Planning your wedding

Congratulations! You have already started on your married life together by agreeing a budget! No small task, and you have a bigger trial to come: to stick to budget and not be swayed by 'wedding planners' to spend more (see dealing with professionals). This challenge is something that you will face together.

Even if you are currently having an 'out-of-money-experience', with careful planning you can still have a great wedding. If you can spend the next year working together on this major financial expense, then you will have undergone some excellent training for the rest of your partnership together. And don't be discouraged if you disagree at some point; marriage involves negotiating, especially in the engagement period.

Research as much as you can: visit bridal fairs and read wedding magazines. See what providers have to offer.

And don't forget to check your plans with mum and dad. Their wedding was in a different century, but it's their wedding too. Check also with your friends who have recently got married; you might benefit from their mistakes.

Having carefully researched the options, choose whatever style suits you the best. This page was written for people getting married in Japan, where there are very few churches and most people have a western style wedding in a hotel chapel, a restaurant or some other purpose built facility. But the guidance below can be applied equally well in other countries where church weddings are the norm.

If you only have four guests, a cathedral for the service and ballroom for the party would look a bit bare. Conversely, don't try to squeeze 250 people into a small lounge - they won't appreciate any attempt you might be making to get into the Guinness Book of World Records.

Also, be aware that facilities vary from place to place. Check this mini-guide about Which Style is Best For You before you go any further.

Who will escort the bride down the aisle? Do you want bridesmaids, maids of honour, best man, groomsmen, ring boy, veil girl, flower bearers...?

Avoid family feuds at all costs, but don't be forced into taking on an assistant simply to please somebody. Just because you're nephew was invited to be your cousin's ring boy, that doesn't mean you must reciprocate. Get the order right: First decide what you want; then decide who are the best people to be your Assistants.

In the future, we plan a new section on wedding dresses, groom's attire, etc. Until then, here are a few pointers

Far too early to book for most locations, but if you have an idea where you are going, you have twelve months to find some end-of-season clothing bargains.

Be flexible in you choice of resort. Anything could happen within the next twelve months and you may be forced to change your plans later. Find out as much as you can about the country you plan to visit, especially evolving political situations which can destabilize the country.

Similarly, it's too early to book for most venues, but if you have dreams of some exotic location, now may be the time to make a tentative reservation.

Will the party have a social dance? If you haven't danced before, chances are it's not your thing. But it may be worth exploring anyway. If you are not known to your friends as championship ballroom dancers, you might consider having lessons (secretly from your friends). They'd be gobsmacked at seeing you grace the dance floor at your party. Now would be the time to start lessons.

On the other hand, if you want to dance but just can't master it, remember that nobody cares if you can't dance well; just get up and dance!

Consider starting a website. Maybe you have one already, but this should be a dedicated site and not just a few extra pages to your current site. Maybe you've never created one before. That should be no problem because the site will be simple and easy to do. (Seiyaku.com can put you in touch with somebody if you need help or advice developing your site.)

Here are some home-page wedsite ideas to get you started.

Nine months before the happiest day of your life.