You've 'eard 'ow young Albert Ramsbottom
At the zoo up at Blackpool one year
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
Gave a lion a poke in the ear?
The name of the lion was Wallace,
The poke in the ear made 'im wild
And before you could say "Bob's yer uncle"
E'd upped and 'e'd swallowed the child.
'E were sorry the moment 'e done it;
With children 'e'd always been chums,
And besides, 'e'd no teeth in his muzzle,
And 'e couldn't chew Albert on't gums.
'E could feel the lad movin' inside 'im
As 'e lay on 'is bed of dried ferns;
And it might 'ave been little lad's birthday,
E wished 'im such 'appy returns.
But Albert kept kickin' and fightin',
And Wallace got up, feelin' bad.
Decided 'twere time that 'e started
To stage a comeback for the lad.
Then puttin' 'ead down in one corner,
On 'is front paws 'e started to walk;
And 'e coughed, and 'e sneezed, and 'e gargled
'Till Albert shot out - like a cork!
Now Wallace felt better directly
And 'is figure once more became lean.
But the only difference with Albert Was,
'is face and 'is 'ands were quite clean.
Meanwhile Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
'Ad gone back to their tea, feelin' blue.
Ma said, "I feel down in the mouth, like.
" Pa said, "Aye, I bet Albert does, too."
Said Mother, "It just goes to show yer
That the future is never revealed;
If I'd thowt we was goin' to lose 'im,
I'd 'ave not 'ad 'is boots soled and 'eeled."