Miraculous Healing Cross

How can you resist this once-in-a-lifetime offer: Free healing for absolutely ANY illness! Are we serious?

(No, we're not)

Miraculous Healing Cross

SPECIAL OFFER! (by Rev. Dr Quackery)

"I have been blessed with divine visionary inspiration to design a Miracle Healing Cross which encompasses all the healing properties of Sacred Geometry and intra-fusion energy, and I am offering this to you ABSOLUTELY FREE! Each cross is made using laser infusion jewel precision machinery and only 100,000 copies are produced each week, giving you an opportunity to own something that is ALMOST UNIQUE."

Miracle Healing Cross


  • Guaranteed to cure any disease or virus (including computer viruses, malware, underwear, etc.)
  • Helps you evolve a consciousness, wisdom, balance of the Yin, imbalance of the Yang, and well-being
  • Discover how to make new friends, become hyper-wealthy and holistic
  • Lower the orthomolecular cholesterol megavitamins in your bloodstream, enable latent ambidextrosity, add to global warming

"The resin organic magnets in each cross are rodentially certified to retain the ultra-wave healing properties that last a lifetime. In addition, the resin is not bio degradable and therefore contributes significantly to global warming."

"Nothing is free, you say; but this potent amulet evokes the power of the Great Freedom. Yes, it is free, because we believe that no one should profit from another person's illness. We offer this Miracle Healing Cross to you at NO CHARGE. In addition, we will send you AN AUTHENTIFICATION CERTIFICATE, signed by Pope Gregory XV (1621-1623), and presented in a beautiful Italian faux velvet case, hand stitched by the Blind Sisters of St. Charlatan Convent, Amplepopplethwithle, Wales."

"Why suffer another day's illness. Order your FREE Healing Cross TODAY! Enclose a prepaid envelope with international postage to the value of $18, plus $50 handling fee and $87 fool tax. We also need your credit card details and PIN number. Allow up to 3 months for delivery. Please note; delivery cannot be guaranteed and because the Miracle Healing Cross is free, there can be no refund of the handling charge and fool tax."

And fortunately for everybody, the above mentioned Miracle Healing Cross doesn't exist. Yet many people buy crosses and other paraphernalia, believing they have spiritual and healing properties.

We all have an urge for our lives to be improved in some way, so any item that is claimed (or implied to achieve that is appealing. Indeed, depending on your computer's internet settings, there's a good chance that a Google advert on this page is peddling such trinkets.

Such a cross could alternatively be named a Hand Held Cross, a Prayer Cross, or a Medical Cross. They are no more than lucky charms sold by snake-oil hustlers in various guises. Surprisingly, they are rarely named Fetish or Juju Cross, Amulet or Talisman, or a posh name such as Periapt or Phylactery Cross; which is surprising, because that is precisely what they are.

How God performs miracles is far beyond our understanding. Nevertheless, God performs them. He performs miracles directly, or He may decide it's expedient to perform them through a medium. The medium may be an angel, a living person, or an object such as a cross. The important point to be clear about, however, is that it is God who performs miracles, not the medium.

Being chosen as a medium for miraculous healing is a gift mentioned by Paul (1 Cor. 12:9-10). It is a special power from God to only a few selected people, and primarily for the spiritual good of others rather than of the selected person. The gift of this special power is not permanent and the medium chosen cannot work the miracle at his own volition, as the Disciples discovered (Matt. 17:16-21).

Nevertheless, although miracles are effected by God, humans can be said to work miracles by praying to God for a miraculous outcome.

Miracles do occur, and it is well documented that people have been miraculously healed by touching a sacred relic or visiting a sacred place. Such relics are venerated holy items, and usually held in special sanctuaries. They are not mass produce in China. They are not available on the internet.

Miracles do occur and they are not as unusual as you might think. Indeed, viewed in the right way, miracles are the rule rather than the exception. Everything God makes (and God makes everything) is a miracle. There is really no need for man to attempt to make what God has already provided more than enough of. (A rather awkwardly written sentence, which hopefully you read twice.)

If a sick person holds a so-called Healing Cross and they 'miraculously' recover from their illness, one must explore alternative reasons. Placebo? Possibly. Chance? Possibly. Miraculous man-made cross? Most unlikely.

The above refers to healing in a physical sense. For spiritual healing, see the meaning of the Cross.

See also Hope Cross and Medical Crosses

Rodentially certified: Certified by mice.

The small print might have said that the Miracle Wheat sold by the founder of the Jehovah's Witnesses was describing the freakish nature of the wheat's strain. Similarly the small print on the "gold-plated" Miracle Medal from a Lourdes gift shop might refer to the Miraculous and Immaculate Conception. But it is obvious that the prices asked for these cheap trinkets are to make money for the vendors, and it's equally obvious that their marketing targets the vulnerable.


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