Once upon a swashbuckling time...
A man meets a pirate in a bar and can't help but notice the pirate has a prosthesis, a hook on the end of his arm, and an eye patch. The man asks, "Wow! You certainly look like a rugged pirate with your pegleg, hook, and eye patch. Here, have a drink and tell me your story."
"Arrrgghh, thanks mi' 'arty." replies the pirate.
"So if you don't mind my asking, how did you end up with a wooden leg?"
The pirate replies, "Aye, matey, we was in a storm at sea, an' I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. One tore mi leg clean orf, but I bit its nose off and managed to escape. Arrrgghh, it be."
"Wow!" says the man. "What about your hand? How did you end up with a hook?"
"Well," replies the pirate, "I was digging for treasure in a swamp and this crocodile snapped mi 'and clean orf, but I bit its nose off and managed to escape. Arrrgghh, it be."
"Amazing!" remarks the man. "What happened to your eye? How did you end up with an eye patch?"
"Shiva mi timbers. That were a sea-gull dropping that fell into mi eye. Arrrgghh, it be." replies the pirate.
"You lost your eye from a sea-gull dropping?" the man asks incredulously.
"Arrrgghh, it be not." says the pirate. "It was mi first day with the hook."