Cooperisms
The late comedian Tommy Cooper was great at poking fun at the English language. Here are just a few of the lines he used.
Livelihood
The back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were throwing money to him. I asked "Do you earn a living doing that?" He replied "Yes, this is my livelihood."
The cannibal
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Library
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and scream "Aaaaaaagghhhh!!!" and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in".
On the phone
I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said "Who's speaking please?" And a voice said "You are."
Two parrots
Two parrots sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"
Snakeskin
What's the greatest worldwide use of snakeskin? To hold snakes together!
