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Did you hear the one about...

Cooperisms

SMILE!

The late comedian Tommy Cooper was great at poking fun at the English language. Here are just a few of the lines he used.

Livelihood

The back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were throwing money to him. I asked "Do you earn a living doing that?" He replied "Yes, this is my livelihood."

The cannibal

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

Library

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and scream "Aaaaaaagghhhh!!!" and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in".

On the phone

I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said "Who's speaking please?" And a voice said "You are."

Two parrots

Two parrots sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

Snakeskin

What's the greatest worldwide use of snakeskin? To hold snakes together!

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