New English Vocabulary
Thousands of new words are added to English dictionaries every year. Here is a collection of English words that don't exist yet.
Perhaps they should!
Words that don't yet exist
- Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bath tap on and off with your toes.
- Carperpetuation: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a piece of string or lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
- Disconfect: To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Elbonics: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a cinema or plane.
- Frust: The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
- Lactomangulation: Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
- Peppier: The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
- Phonesia: The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
- Pupkus: The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Telecrastination: The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
New definitions for existing terms
- Inkling: A baby fountain pen
- Claustrophobic: A fear of Father Christmas
- Subordinate Clauses: Santa's little helpers
- Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk
- Negligent: Describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown
- Lymph: To walk with a lisp
- Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
- Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline
- Good health: The slowest possible rate at which one can die
- Nervous wreck: An anxious ship at the bottom of the ocean
- Gargoyle: Olive-flavoured mouthwash
- Psychopath: The route taken by crazy people
- Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs
- Flabbergasted: Appalled over how much weight you have gained
- Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
- A short, Straight piece of wood: Half a boomerang
- Monastery: A home for unmarried fathers
- Xenophobic: A fear of starting words with the letter Z
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
