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Disputes

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Negotiating; Texas style

Dispute 1

A big-city Californian lawyer goes duck hunting in rural Texas. He shoots and drops a bird, but it falls into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbs over the fence, an elderly farmer drives up on his tractor and asks him what he's doing. The lawyer responds, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replies, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer says, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiles and says, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asks, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?" The Farmer replies, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thinks about the proposed contest and decides that he could easily take the old codger. He agrees to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbs down from the tractor and walks up to the city fella. His first kick plants the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and drops him to his knees. His second kick nearly wipes the man's nose off his face. The lawyer is flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causes him to give up.

The lawyer summons every bit of his will and manages to get to his feet and says, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiles and says, "No, I give up. You can have the duck."

Dispute 2

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.

The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.

The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.

The mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."

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